On Trash, Walking By, Sitting Down

Hi all-

This was taken outside of an antique store which closed before I ever went in. Here, outside the store, is an antique-looking thing just relaxing on the sidewalk. It has almost become a chair here, inving me to sit down, but I was busy that day, like most days, and didn't see it at the time. That I should just chill. Take it a bit easier. Stop seeing trash as trash, and realize that the antiques inside the store with price tags and the antiques outside the store are really the same thing. What you pay for is the promise that what's old isn't trash. What's free is the perspective to not need the price tag to tell you that.

-A

On Tweeting, More Soon Stay Tuned.

Hi all-

Working hard at my science work lately, so no new art to share. Worked on part of a poem last night though, so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

The topic of my current research paper is the establishment of truth in case-based reasoning. More simply put, how can we believe the stories other people tell us?

More upcoming. Also, I have a twitter now. See links on the side and stuff.

-A

On Criticism, Flowers, Etc.

Hi all-

Took this one a while back. Submitted it to a photo contest and it made it to the final round... to be honest I'm not sure how it would have done because I didn't get the release in on time. I was a bit less confident then.

Sometimes I wonder if times like that we aren't subtly sabotaging ourselves. We get all big and inflated when we create the art, but then when someone shows interest, we withdraw. "Who me? I'm no artist, don't look at my work." We say to ourselves. Well maybe someone wants to look, and maybe it doesn't take being an "artist" to make things worth seeing. Maybe I'm channeling Julia Cameron here, but we all need the space to create. Once you make that space, don't let the fear of criticism (positive or negative) scare you out of the territory you found.

-A

On Ice Cream in Boonville

Hi all-

I ate ice cream here once. It was about a year ago around this time of year. It was sixty degrees out and I sat outside on the trunk of my car. I was listening to 'On Your Shore' by Charlotte Martin. More specifically 'Steel'. Which I was. Or at least was becoming.

-A

On Changing the Pace Here

Hi all-

The pace of only putting things up here that are 'finished' just isn't working for me. I think I want to peel this process back open a bit. Expect more snippets and pieces rather than defined wholes.

The page is the trail home.

And this time it's one step at a time.

-A

On Round Smooth Stone

Hi all-

"i was standing in a red-lit room
near the front of the mirror
we were all playing dress-up
going topless but throwing on a blazer
and everybody was looking at themselves
in a big corner mirror.

and i wondered why anybody would
want to do that
when there is a perfectly good kitchen door
that you can prop yourself up in
if you stand sideways and push with your legs
like a caver

and i wondered why they were looking at themselves
when it was me who actually exercised
and ate right
and lived healthy
well, in most ways
they were all looking at his abs
which had seen too many crunches and
not enough heavy lifting
(i'm speaking of the emotional sort as well here)

i used to wonder if the people at the mirror then
could get though eating a bowl of cereal
without staring at the glassy milk until it spoiled
and i realized that climbing the kitchen was
much more fun than the blazer was

eventually i skipped the scene
like a round smooth stone over the water
only not leaving any ripples on the mirror
(because heaven forbid)
it was more like i
bounced

and i got used to the awkward silence
and i got used to the being alone
and i got used to the $10 DVD as boyfriend
and i got used to the late night runs
and then i got used to being on my own
and then i got used to the peeps who gave a shit
and then i got used to the laughter
and being ok with being
a round smooth stone

and i still don't really look at the only mirror in my place
except to brush my teeth
to get out all that cereal
because baby i'm eating three bowls a day
with my eyes wide closed."

-A

On Washer Standing

Hi all-

Washer Standing

"You only get mad about
being seen doing things
you know are wrong.

That's why the man
yelling at his kid in the
Laundromat doesn't care
if I hear him or pretend I don't.

That's when I saw you.
In one of those fleece
coats with logos on the
chest and on the back
as if it's also the chest

You have one of those
hats you've bent the
brim into blinders on,
and it frames your glasses well.

It's your calfs that get me.
That little muscle you can see
flex when you're just so
reaching into the dryer.

I stand against my
washer where you can see me.
Reading my book and glancing,
trying not to be as awkward as me.

Because I'd never actually
start a conversation with a hot man.
Waitresses, strangers in line
at the store, they're a different story.

At least you know your
clothes are well-folded, as
you meticulously put them away.

And I know my T-shirts are
brighter white, like our track
records as we pass each other by."

-A

On Plastic Bubbles for Only a Quarter

Hi all-

Plastic Bubble

"She was one of those people
that if you put a quarter in the machine
and turned the crank
you'd get out in a plastic bubble
when you really wanted the bouncy ball
or the plastic spider ring

when you've forgone jerry's kids
and a handful of decade old madeup fruit candy
to try your luck at something longer lasting

now all you have is this woman
standing outside the bar and smiling
with men all around her
and you wonder what they see in her
that makes her a better toy
than this plastic bubble."

-A

On Graffiti

Hi all-

"when i see graffiti. I'm glad to see that the post-industrial bullshit thats put up all clean and white can still get its hands dirty. all the future lawyers and firemen, the aggressive youths of today are really just human vines. creeping up the sides of the white concrete and holding that overpass back down to the earth. nature's vines are curvy and wet... human vines are all angles and dry. blue and purple and covered in a name sake only possible by something with so much self and so little self-control. Much like a vine. Much like a future."

-A

On Tans and Spears

Hi all-

Cross posted from LJ...

"These plants need water like I need this tan I'm trying to get. That tan that makes sure that my first long day out in the sun this year won't bake me like a potato. That's what winter does to you: it makes you pile on aluminum foil that's guaranteed to melt the butter on you before you escape.

I don't water his. I leave them to whatever plan or schedule he follows. They aren't mine to encroach upon; it's not my place. Besides, they are exotic things with stiff leaves and ceramic pots. My plants are things like ivy and bamboo in whatever plastic container they came in. Watering them is easy. Do you have water? If so, give them some. End of story. His plants are complicated, and I best leave them well enough alone.

The sun is crisping the edges of the leaves in this window. I wonder how many times I'll have to lay in the sun to get the tan I'm looking for. Five, ten? No way to know. When I go from looking like a lima bean to a coffee bean without stopping at kidney, that'll be how many times. No, coffee beans are too dark, that's too lofty a goal for my complexion... I'd be setting myself up for failure.

I only want to be as dark as the construction worker I saw as I drove home today. the kind of tan you get when you haven't quite let your last sunburn heal before you go out and get another one. The kind of tan that he never even asked for, he was just doing his job. Roofs, decks, front lawns. He became beautiful by complete accident, which is something working in an office does not afford you. I have to go out looking for my accidents. Day by day I have to stalk them. If I did so in nothing but a loin cloth, beauty would come faster I think. More sun that way. More muscle from carrying that heavy spear."

-A

On Afternoon Coffee

Hi all-

Cross-posted from LJ...

"afternoon coffee

I've taken to having a cup of coffee and some fruit in the afternoon. This is much like tea and cakes but without either. Today is strawberries. It's summer now, and time for strawberries, although the ones from the grocery store are all bruised and either too ripe or not enough. One has a green tip, and I eat it anyway. When you live in a place with four seasons, it's not enough that you hate winter, you have to love summer too.

Only two of the five are worth eating, despite the begrudging acceptance of sub-standard berries. I sip my coffee occasionally, trying to take in a book. There's some white paint on my hands that I forgot to wipe off, and some blood too. I had itched my ear hard wrong. Moments like that you hardly think about until you go to shake someone's hand. In this case, I'm more worried about staining the page.

I painted some sunflowers this afternoon, which is where the paint came from. The painting looks like a five year old made it for their grandma. They would've taken more care if it were for mom and pop, they are paying attention to skill, after all. We all know grandma just appreciates the thought. Above the four sunflowers I had written 'sunflowers... always cheer me up!' This is both a statement and a command. Sometimes there's need for one or the other. Paintings should be flexible. I'll probably put this one somewhere obvious for a while, on the pub table or near the console. I want to be cheered up, and I want people to see that, yes, I do paint like a five year old, and no, it's not just to be charming, I really am that bad at painting. No need for pity, it's the summer time and sun flowers are the bee's knees."

-A

On Coupled Profiles

Hi all-

Here's some writing...

"I love looking at the online profiles that members of a couple keep. The little notes they leave for each other, the inside jokes, the goofy widgets couples always seem to find.

I saw the profile of a man I went on a date once. He's coupled now, and his profile gives you the whiff of it from ten miles off. I'm so happy for him. Really... these guys are so cute together. It's one of those blonde/brunette couples, where you can tell them apart by hair color but thy are otherwise generally similar. Those are the best couples, really. Very egalitarian.

It's very cute. Little anonymous gifts... doodles... photo comments where they are both in every photo anyway... the whole nine. I wonder if 4x6, 5x7, and similar aspect ratios of photo are specifically built to catch two smiling faces side by side. Or one half in front of the other, both about to drink from their beers. Under a tree. In front of a lake. The frame of a photo is just enough to lay out flat the room for two we already see the world in. Photos don't make a new frame for anything; we are already framed. None the less, they are perfect in photos together, like every couple.

So I'm happy for him. Happy for his cute, filled up profile. It was only one date anyway, what do I care? He's doing all right, the photos tell me so. I'm happy for him. I'm so happy, I can't stop crying."

-A

On Hello World

Hi all-

Yes, I know everyone has a blog already. Yes, I know it's sort of a five-years-ago thing. Yes, there are bigger and better ways to write things down, etc. However, I started a blog anyway.

Why? Well, I'm a bit nutty. Also, this will be a place to put my writing that is not intermingled with my everyday life. This way, my LiveJournal can be for my friends, and this Blog can be for writing, photography, art, etc.

This is my Blog for when you don't want to know what color my socks are today (I only own white ones anyway), but there is some cool stuff I want to talk about. So have at it.

First post forthcoming.

-A